a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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