You're earring is so big in my mouth
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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