we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
