i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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