Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
