Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize