Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
