Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
