Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
