Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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