he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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