so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
