How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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