I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
