Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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