this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
