She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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