Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
