im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
