I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
