Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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