Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
