if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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