That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
