didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just threw up on my dentist
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
