i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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