I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
