so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
