Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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