i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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