guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
