just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
