My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize