sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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