the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
