i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
