I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
