i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
