haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize