New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She made me pour olive oil on her.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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