it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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