Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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