the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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