I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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