You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
