you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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