We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
you had me at cake vodka
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
