So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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