Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The air was thick with penises
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
