oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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