Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
