you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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