sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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