Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
