my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
