Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize