just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she told me i tasted like america
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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