i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize