dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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