YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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