you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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