he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
