I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize