we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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