So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
