I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
