I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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