we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize